Love For a Child

With the appearance of Siddhartha's son, we discover a new phase of Siddhartha. He can actually love like ordinary people do. He felt it was necessary, and that it was natural to feel that way about his son. Siddhartha knew his child wasn't going to grow accustomed to treat him like his dad now that his mom, Kamala, had passed away, but he want to "win him over"(p96).

            Vasudeva to Siddhartha: You're not strict with him, you do not punish him, you do not command  him- because you know that gentleness is stronger than severity..." p97

Siddhartha thought that if he was kind and treated his son like Kamala had raised him he would get on his son's good side. Vasudeva reassured him that if he wasn't strict he wasn't going to get anywhere, but he also knew Siddhartha couldn't bear to be harsh on his own son. This part reminded me of my mom. She has told my sister and I many times that she doesn't like being to harsh on us. She still feels tormented by how harsh her mom was on her. And just like Siddhartha doesn't want his son to repeat his mistakes, she can't bear making us go through that same episode, nor feel intimidated by her. My mom tries to be as much of a friend to us as she can be, but she reminds us she actually is our mom. She has to act like one and be strict for once in a while.

Siddhartha didn't reason like my mom. For the first time in his life he loved. For the first time was he a father. Just like all the misguided paths he took and the mistakes he made in the way, he didn't know how to be a father. He didn't consider Vasudeva's words, and kept trying to only please his son and not to establish rules.  When his son ran away back to town, Siddhartha went all the way to town to bring him back. Yet he knew, when he got there, it was useless. His son knew that he wasn't capable of punishing him, so he ran away because Siddhartha only wanted to please him. Nothing would make the boy see through his dad's eyes. It was too late, "he was going his on way"(p101) already, what Siddhartha hadn't accomplished yet.

The Incredible...

Just like Dr. Bruce can't control turning into Hulk or staying human, Siddhartha couldn't control being ordinary or finding his path. None of them can fully understand themselves since they can't control themselves  yet.
During his reflection by the river, Siddhartha says maybe he had to go through those misguided teachings so he could understand why those wouldn't guide him to his path. He has not been able to find his path and following his pattern of indecisiveness, he is most likely going to give up on the rower life with his friend the ferryman. Each time he thinks he is finally gaining control of his path he fails, like Bruce fails to control Hulk to make his random entrance.
Siddhartha might not lose himself into aggresiveness like our green "hero", but he finds himself extremely confused, like I explained with Gotye on my last entry, instead.There something bigger for him out there away from everyone else's teaching and that's why he is going back. He is going back to the start of his complicated labyrinth to draw himself into the paths he didn't take before. Siddhartha might mess up again, but he knows there's a way out of that maze, far from his confused and indecisive Hulk.

To Understand Your Path

"So that was what he had come to; he was so lost, so confused, 

so devoid of all reason, that he had sought death" p72

       I never thought Siddhartha could become more confused than I've been during the book. Taking his confusion to a point where he wants to escape from it that bad that he even considers suicide. I never thought suicide would come to his mind since he reflected on temporal escapes and how stupid the mere idea of escaping from something was. 

Siddhartha, I have something to say to you:

♫No you didn't have to stoop so low♫

.....

♫Now you're just somebody that I used to know♫

He stopped himself from stooping so low and fell into deep sleep as he pronounced "Om". Somehow, he woke up as a new man, loving everything around him (when he shouldn't, since he's not ordinary) He was so renewed that not even Govinda, in his random appearance, recognized him. Not only his rich clothes made it impossible to recognize his old friend, but his attitude was completely different with this awakening. 

He still knew that he had to find his path. As soon as Govinda left him again, he reflected on the waste of time that all those years had been. How he might have achieved mindfulness and became a thinker, but steeply fell back to being an ordinary person. He thought his path, until now, had been stupid, but there was a reason for all of that to happen and so he decided to keep on following that path.

"This path is stupid, it goes in spirals, perhaps in circles,

but whichever way it goes, I will follow it." p78

Siddhartha had to go through all those teachings to notice that those weren't the right paths. Even if those years had been a waste, he was still happy because his inner voice had given him the opportunity to acknowledge and terminate that part of himself. So he could understand his newly awakened self.

This Is Not Me