Love For a Child

With the appearance of Siddhartha's son, we discover a new phase of Siddhartha. He can actually love like ordinary people do. He felt it was necessary, and that it was natural to feel that way about his son. Siddhartha knew his child wasn't going to grow accustomed to treat him like his dad now that his mom, Kamala, had passed away, but he want to "win him over"(p96).

            Vasudeva to Siddhartha: You're not strict with him, you do not punish him, you do not command  him- because you know that gentleness is stronger than severity..." p97

Siddhartha thought that if he was kind and treated his son like Kamala had raised him he would get on his son's good side. Vasudeva reassured him that if he wasn't strict he wasn't going to get anywhere, but he also knew Siddhartha couldn't bear to be harsh on his own son. This part reminded me of my mom. She has told my sister and I many times that she doesn't like being to harsh on us. She still feels tormented by how harsh her mom was on her. And just like Siddhartha doesn't want his son to repeat his mistakes, she can't bear making us go through that same episode, nor feel intimidated by her. My mom tries to be as much of a friend to us as she can be, but she reminds us she actually is our mom. She has to act like one and be strict for once in a while.

Siddhartha didn't reason like my mom. For the first time in his life he loved. For the first time was he a father. Just like all the misguided paths he took and the mistakes he made in the way, he didn't know how to be a father. He didn't consider Vasudeva's words, and kept trying to only please his son and not to establish rules.  When his son ran away back to town, Siddhartha went all the way to town to bring him back. Yet he knew, when he got there, it was useless. His son knew that he wasn't capable of punishing him, so he ran away because Siddhartha only wanted to please him. Nothing would make the boy see through his dad's eyes. It was too late, "he was going his on way"(p101) already, what Siddhartha hadn't accomplished yet.

The Incredible...

Just like Dr. Bruce can't control turning into Hulk or staying human, Siddhartha couldn't control being ordinary or finding his path. None of them can fully understand themselves since they can't control themselves  yet.
During his reflection by the river, Siddhartha says maybe he had to go through those misguided teachings so he could understand why those wouldn't guide him to his path. He has not been able to find his path and following his pattern of indecisiveness, he is most likely going to give up on the rower life with his friend the ferryman. Each time he thinks he is finally gaining control of his path he fails, like Bruce fails to control Hulk to make his random entrance.
Siddhartha might not lose himself into aggresiveness like our green "hero", but he finds himself extremely confused, like I explained with Gotye on my last entry, instead.There something bigger for him out there away from everyone else's teaching and that's why he is going back. He is going back to the start of his complicated labyrinth to draw himself into the paths he didn't take before. Siddhartha might mess up again, but he knows there's a way out of that maze, far from his confused and indecisive Hulk.

To Understand Your Path

"So that was what he had come to; he was so lost, so confused, 

so devoid of all reason, that he had sought death" p72

       I never thought Siddhartha could become more confused than I've been during the book. Taking his confusion to a point where he wants to escape from it that bad that he even considers suicide. I never thought suicide would come to his mind since he reflected on temporal escapes and how stupid the mere idea of escaping from something was. 

Siddhartha, I have something to say to you:

♫No you didn't have to stoop so low♫

.....

♫Now you're just somebody that I used to know♫

He stopped himself from stooping so low and fell into deep sleep as he pronounced "Om". Somehow, he woke up as a new man, loving everything around him (when he shouldn't, since he's not ordinary) He was so renewed that not even Govinda, in his random appearance, recognized him. Not only his rich clothes made it impossible to recognize his old friend, but his attitude was completely different with this awakening. 

He still knew that he had to find his path. As soon as Govinda left him again, he reflected on the waste of time that all those years had been. How he might have achieved mindfulness and became a thinker, but steeply fell back to being an ordinary person. He thought his path, until now, had been stupid, but there was a reason for all of that to happen and so he decided to keep on following that path.

"This path is stupid, it goes in spirals, perhaps in circles,

but whichever way it goes, I will follow it." p78

Siddhartha had to go through all those teachings to notice that those weren't the right paths. Even if those years had been a waste, he was still happy because his inner voice had given him the opportunity to acknowledge and terminate that part of himself. So he could understand his newly awakened self.

This Is Not Me

L-O-V-E

Irksome
Annoying; irritating.


"Everything was difficult, irksome and finally hopeless when I was a Samana." p49

Bestirred

To cause (oneself, or, rarely, another person) to become active.

"... he goes through the affairs of the world like the stone through the water, without doing anything, without bestirring himself..." p50

I didn't really understand where Siddhartha was going with this learning-from-a-prostitute thing. Not even Kamala herself knew what she had to teach. Was it an excuse to stay close to her?  This is even confirmed by how determined he is for her to kiss him. Can't he see how materialist she is? Why would she ever want to be with anyone like Siddhartha? A gentleman with no money? She didn't have anything to teach him, but he thought he learned about love, "to learn about love from the most beautiful woman" My question from the last blog was answered this time: he only needed some love.

Need Some Company?

                        
Awakening
The start of a feeling or awareness in a person.

 "Now it is over; I have awakened" p33
                             
 Example: Siddhartha thinks he has find his Self, he feels awakened.                                          

Hermit
A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence.

"Even the most secluded hermit in the woods was not one and alone; he also belonged to a class of people" p34

Example: Siddhartha's life as a Samana.

Ostracize
To exclude or banish (a person) from a particular group, society, etc.

"... All this had been nothing to Siddhartha but a fleeting and illusive veil before his eyes, regarded with distrust, condemned to be disregarded and ostracized from the thoughts, because it was not reality, because reality lay on the other side of the visible" p38

Example: How lonely Siddhartha feels when he finally awakened and found his Self. He doesn't want to go back to his father because he doesn't feel like a Brahmin anymore.






Siddhartha first dreamed about a woman and then he had an encounter with one along the brook. Is he realizing he really needs company? He already decided he is not going back to his father because he is "no longer a Brahmin" (p33) Will this encounter suffice his need of company? Is he going to give up on his Samana side too? Since they are supposed not to interact with anyone else, apart from other Samanas, in any way.

The Journey to My "Self"

So wait... Siddhartha just stood there until his father told him he could go away with the Samanas so he could find his Self a few pages ago, and then he decided he wanted to be empty and no longer go after his Self?

"Siddhartha had one single goal- to become empty, to become empty of thirst, 

desire, dreams, pleasure and sorrow- to let the Self die." p11

He barely breathed and had learned how to lessen his heartbeat. He "learned" how to escape from his Self temporarily. Siddhartha compares that temporal escape with those who drink their problems away:

"The driver of oxen makes this same flight, takes this temporary drug when drinks 

a few bowls of rice wine or coconut milk in the inn. He then no longer

feels his Self, no longer feels the pain of life; he then experiences temporary escape." p13

He thought he had learned nothing from the Samanas and his exhaustive journey in the forest. He was determined to find his own way. Even when he met the Illustrious One, Gotama, the Buddha, he still decided not to take his path. For Siddhartha, Gotama's teachings were flawed and he decides he'll continue his journey of finding and conquering his Self again. Gotama had made the view of his Self clearer.

This journey of self-discovery Siddhartha takes, reminds me of Eat Pray Love. Elizabeth, the protagonist, realizes she's not that happy with the life she has. It may seem for everybody else that she's enjoying her wonderful marriage and career, but she isn't satisfied. She leaves everything behind to go on the journey of finding what she really wants and rediscovering herself. Just like Siddhartha decided to leave his family and closest friend to find his Self.

Nice Technique!

There was one thing that really caught my attention in the first ten pages of Siddhartha: his dad's patience . When I insist and plead for their permission they already lose their patience and just start saying "If you keep on insisting it's going to get worse". If I start giving them reasons for why I deserve to have permission like Siddhartha did, "Siddhartha has always obeyed his father"(p8) they would just ignore me. They'd pretend they're too busy to listen to me being stubborn.
I haven't tried standing there until they get bored of seeing me and hope they give me a yes:

"Siddhartha," he said, "why are you waiting?"

"You know why"

"Will you go on standing and waiting until it is day, noon, evening?"

"I will stand and wait."

(p8)

Siddhartha's father noticed how much his son wanted to become a Samana and was surprised with his persistence. Maybe, I can try that next time... I'll just stand in front of my parents and follow them around to see if my persistence is enough for them to consider saying yes.

I hope that Siddhartha finally finds his "Self" in this adventurous and disciplined journey of becoming a Samana. I hope he doesn't come back with a "vessel that is not full" (p3)

Love You Ted!

I would say that in this poem is addressing agape love, love for mankind. She is highliting the actor's good work and praising him for it. When she says, "but when Mary Magdalene anointed you, when you cast merchants and money changers from the temple, I forgot your thinning hair and wrinkled brow..." So she admits she also underestimated Ted Neeley for his age, but later realized how good actor he was. Then, maybe a bit of eros, physical love, might be involved when she says she forgot about his thinning hair and wrinkled brow. She didn't think of him as an old man anymore. She continues to praise him and she even says "I don't care how old you are..." which might imply her interest on the actor since it's a "Love Poem" as the tittle says.